The Eternity Cure

My heart felt like it was torn apart. How was it possible when I hadn’t finished such a miraculously beautiful book? Did I predict the ending? A rueful smile crossed my face. It should be impossible, but I was afraid.
***
I don't believe that there's a fate, but everything happens for a reason. Perhaps, I met a person who would change my life forever, though it was such a cliche. Perhaps, I read a book which would shape my perspective. Allison fully understood that the only way to survive in the Fringe was to care about only herself. She couldn't afford to feed anyone. However, Zeke, a guy who genuinely concerned about the welfare of the others, shaped her perspective. Initially, I thought that it was a lame story. Zeke just happened to change Allie's life since he was the main character. I thought that Zeke had a weak personality. Honestly, I didn't adore Zeke's character. He was too naive, too idealistic to survive in the post-apocalypse. The truth was that nobody was willing to jeopardize his or her existence for the sake of the others. In this world, survival instincts bolstered people to live. Otherwise, people were dead. Similar to Allison, it was a shock to me that there were other ways of living. Human loyalty, in the eyes of vampires, was ugly and naive. Therefore, I didn't believe in Zeke initially. He was too good to be realistic. Allison's narrative was believable since people served themselves in the post-apocalypse. They couldn't afford to worry about the others while they couldn't even ensure their own survival.
However, in The Eternity Cure, I saw another side of Zeke. He had become stronger and more capable. He returned for Allie's sake. No longer the boy who seemed vulnerable, he became a leader. He was a natural leader who led the refugees. Courageous and selfless, he considered the welfare of his fellows. Zeke had become a hunter. A brave hunter. Though Zeke abhorred vampires, he was still here because of Allie. He left Eden and traveled across the country to bring Allie home. My heart pounded at the thought.

I remembered that when Zeke and Allie reunited, the indifference and tension threw me off balance. My heart drummed so hard it ached. I loathed the silent treatment. However, as the story progressed, they gradually reached a common goal. I felt ecstatic when they reconciled and admitted their love for each other. When Ms. Kagawa threw a horrific bomb at the ending, the world seemed to pause in its tilt. My heartbeat seemed too loud to bear. It was so unexpected that my tears pricked at my eyelids, yet they didn't drop. I was too busy flipping through the pages because I didn't and couldn't believe that my brain processed the words correctly. Well, my brain did. 

Never had I felt that reading was the best decision I had made in my life. It was a wonderful journey.

Family (Week 9)

Sometimes, I regret to be reckless, merciless, and ignorant. Sometimes, I forgot how much my parents sacrificed for me. I forgot how much they did for me. I forgot how did I become such an ungrateful girl. I was born in Taipei. We moved to Taoyuan since it was closer to the international airport. Then we moved to Hsinchu. We didn't have to move in the first place if it wasn't for my brother and me. In order to access education, we bought a house and moved. I didn't realize that buying a house was an arduous task by then. Most of my schoolmates around me told me that their parents rent a house, instead of buying. My dad's company used to be across my house. However, he had to endure the freeways. I realize how much I love my family whenever they cast me a look of expectation when they ask me if I have time to have a family trip. I feel that I'm an awful daughter. My parents always bolster and support my decisions. They never reproach my own decisions, even though I may be reckless. They make me feel loved. I see my better self in the eyes of those who love me, making me want to be a better person.

Friendship (Week 8)

Friendship should be built on mutual trust. Friendship isn't judged by benefits. It exemplifies Aristotle's friendship of usefulness. I should have known. If people aren't congruous, they shouldn't feign and compel themselves into a friendship. Friends who are merely pretentious and insincere shouldn't be trusted. When friends no longer share secrets with each other, when friends don't support each other, it's time to end. There's a limit for everything. We just can't cross people's bottom line. Once it's crossed, inevitably, we become exasperated. Recently, I start to contemplate the real meaning of friendship. A friend of mine told me a pathetic story. I was inspired, which made me ponder my own plight. I realized that I shouldn't have befriended her while she didn't deem me as a real friend. If all she cares is academic work, then go for it. My life will be colorful and iridescent, and it's not all about GPA, college, and SAT. My life is determined by the decisions I make. I was no longer the timid girl three years ago who could hardly adapt to the new environment. I make my own choices.

Relationship (Week 6)

A friend of mine is frequently worried about her relationship with her boyfriend over the summer. She lives in Vancouver, but she comes back to Taiwan in summer. Her boyfriend claims that he had been pretending to be love with her for over 7 months. He believes that it's time to end their relationship. She doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend, so she's struggling. She ponders and complains that she shouldn't have been in a relationship if she had known that it won't last. It sounds like a typical chick-lit movie, yet it always happens in real life. Through her chagrin, I start to wonder whether boyfriend/girlfriend is worth of that much trouble. Love is like a snakebite, a venom spreading through the veins, yet love can be a sunset with a blaze of colors. It's amazing to feel loved, yet it's irritating to spend so much time worrying about relationship. Instead of vexing, I would rather spend time to discover and develop my interests, listen to music, or watch a movie.

Nightmare (Week 5)

I had a nightmare. It was one of those nightmares where something was chasing me, but I was too afraid to look back. All I heard was its breath, getting closer and closer. I felt its shadow looming up behind me, but I was paralyzed. I understood that any second I could feel its icy fingers closing on my neck, yet I ran. The darkness seemed to come alive, surrounding me, choking me, and swallowing me. I was in a maze which was full of doors. Monsters lurked behind the doors. I had to open the doors and found my way out of the labyrinth. I couldn't tell why did I know it was a nightmare, but I just knew it. The pinprick light of stars was barely visible, yet the starlight couldn't comfort my hammering heart. Pale silver light poured into the maze like a rain of needles. I desperately wanted to freeze myself and stop running because I couldn't afford the speeding heart rate, the panting, and the need to breathe fresh air. Alarm rang. I woke to the chirps of birds and a soft gray light seeping through the blinds.

Nostalgia (Week 4)

People usually miss the good-old days. They refer to the good-old days like the vanishing sparkles of the fireworks. Indeed, I miss my carefree childhood: The days when boys chase girls on the hallways without suspicions, the days when boys sit with the girls on the same chair closely, the days when boys and girls play truth or dare, and the days when boys and girls embrace and cry together for the loss of . Since when did we start recognize our gender identities specifically? There is an insubstantial thread sliding between girls and boys, yet it unravels when we start to recognize our gender identities. The bond breaks and we can merely lament the past. I always wonder whether there can be friendship between girls and boys. It's hard to form a steadfast bond if people always make remarks on a friendship. I learn to not wear my heart on my sleeve for everyone to see throughout the years. There are always some secrets which are better left as a burden in the heart.

Friendship (Week 3)

Perhaps my blog was inspired by the "Friendship in an Age of Economics" article or by the dinner party with my local-school friends (I couldn't deny it) or by my hangout with my old friends, I felt like expressing my feelings. I read Aristotle's opinions about friendship one year ago in CTY. We had a debate-like discussion. I do agree with Aristotle's opinions that there are three types of friendships-- one of pleasure, one of utility, and one of virtue. Perfect friendship is supposed to last perpetually. However, I haven't witnessed a true friendship in which friends are willing to sacrifice for each other's sake. In addition, in order to love a friend, we must learn to love ourselves in the first place. If we don't love ourselves, the friendship is likely to turn into friendship of pleasure or that of utility. I think Aristotle is quite myopic when he limits true friendship among the virtuous men. Virtue is hard to define. A person may reform oneself or enlighten oneself through mistakes and hardships. Friendship isn't circumscribed by virtue. It is built on trust, empathy, understanding, and altruism. It doesn't matter whether people are virtuous or not. What matters the most is that friendship provides us supports, enlightenment, and a harbor. I can't be convinced that I will have a friendship as perfect as Aristotle's definition, yet I'm absolutely sure that I have friends who will listen to me vent and spend their time comforting me.